Choices

I chose to be a freelance theatre practitioner because I hate routine and mundane lifestyle. My motto in life is to enjoy life and be happy in whatever I do, never do anything just for the sake of money but more for the passion. Being a freelancer, I get to choose which project to take up but as time goes by, I realize that the jobs that gave me the money are not the ones I enjoy doing the most and what is worse is that I am even losing the tiniest bit of passion I have for that.

Should I be brave and just choose to do what I still enjoy doing?
Or should I just continue for the sake of earning my keeps from the jobs that I am losing interest in?

I know I am already very lucky to be in this line because no matter what I do, I am still in touch with the art scene and most importantly the love of my life: The Stage, but maybe I am just being greedy, wanting even more despite what I already have, think I am not easily contented........

美丽的遗憾

人生总是充满着遗憾；

“未完成的事，错过的机会，错误的决定”

而这一切的一切，
造成了人生的种种遗憾。

这些遗憾是美丽的，
就因为有遗憾，
所以美丽。

Reality

i finally saw her, the little one, today.
no, haven had a chance to meet her.
i want to but do i really have the courage to do so?

seeing her photos is as good as slashing another cut on my healing wound.
haven had such a feeling since the day i found out about it
thought that everything will be fine after these years
but things never turn out the way u expect

who can i blame? no one
who can i turn to? no one
who will be there for me? no one
WHO? no one but myself

情人节---白色情人节---黑色情人节

又是情人节，已经很久没有好好地与情人度过了，因为情人已离开我身边很久了。
朋友说：“你还有我们啊！.....”
我回答：“没错！干杯！”
说不寂寞是假的，我们都只是互相安慰。
不管我有多坚强，偶尔还是希望有人能给我依靠。

小白船不管在河流里多自在的飘着，也会有想靠岸的时候。

New!

Its the beginning of another new year, new classes, new students, new environment, new projects, new friends, new endeavours, and the list goes on.........

Spent New Year's Eve in Pokhara, a totally new experience for me.

Surrounded by snowy peaks, taking in beautiful sceneries, lazing on a boat on the tranquil waters, a mixture of excitement and peacefulness overcome me. It was beautiful.

Night came, we had New Year's Eve dinner in a cosy restaurant. All's well until a young girl stood beside me and ask for food, I was stunned for a moment but the waiter came to chase her away. Minutes later, a dirty looking boy dressed in only a T-shirt came and stood next to over table eyeing our sausages. Feeling sorry to see him in such minimal clothing in winter, we gave him a sausage and he went off. However, seconds later, he came back and we gave him the 'remains' of our food. He took everything, including a half-eaten sausage and whatever was left of the chicken wings. My friends laughed but I was too shocked to react. I had never tried giving unfinished food to even beggars and I definitely cannot imagine the children eating the disgusting leftovers. But all these are happening right before my eyes.

As the days went by, I saw more of such beggars and slowly got used to it. I had also learnt to it is impossible to 'feed' them, there are just too many. Reality really slapped me in the face when I saw young boys sniffing glue right in front of the royal palace in Kathmandu and the soldiers standing guard there just laughed at the boys. Is this the kind of life people in Nepal are leading?

A feeling of bitterness came over me not because of the things I saw, its because I cannot do anything to help these people.

Let's just hope things will get better in the new year!

寻找回忆，迎接未来

很无聊，没事做，

把以前写过的诗与文章都翻来看，

无意间发现这首最recent的诗。

奇怪的是，我竟把这首诗给忘了，

要不是今天看到，可能永远都找不回。

难道这就是所谓的“选择性失意”吗？

今天让我找回被遗忘的回忆，到底是好还是坏？

是不是有些事就该如人们所说的那样，随风而去呢？

我不知道，所以无法回答，也不想再去想了............

《回未》

在那充满祝福与欢笑的节日里，
我独自一人慢步在热闹的街道上。
在这些为佳节欢呼的人群中，
我感到一种无比的寂寞。

三年前的今天，
虽然处在寒冷的冬季，
但心是温暖地。

如今，
站在炎热的太阳底下，
心就像冰块似的，
冰冰凉凉，
也很脆弱，
一碰就会碎。

每年的今天，
就是我唯一放纵自己，
回到从前的时候。

回忆是永恒的，
永远都不能从我们的脑海里被抹掉，
但未来才是我们应该向往的。

2005年12月24日星期六

What If..................

........................u were alwaz there, never been away...................
...................................we were never apart....................................
..........................we never got to know each other.........................
.........................i was not there at that particular time...................
............................you were not here at that time............................

then maybe there might be less hurt and pain, but a friend once told me that everything happens for a reason, so if all that never happens i might not even know what true love is.